Holiday Travel Nightmares

I too often read blogs just to reach the end and say, “so what?” The six paragraphs of rambling provided to me no comedic, emotional, or educational (which is what I try here) value.

I would once like to digress on this blog in two ways: writing in the first person, and telling a personal story with little satisfactional value except to the writer (someone needs to hear about this madness).

Here is my experience, in a glorious play-by-play:

Summer 2008: My girlfriend and I decide to take a vacation for the holidays to sunny Florida. What could be better?

Fall 2008: We decide to go to Key West, with a brief stop in Tampa to visit my parents. We buy tickets to Florida through separate airlines, but both landing in Tampa to meet relatives and then drive down to the Keys for five days. There is a ~15 hour window from our landing times to the time we need to arrive in Miami for a non-refundable hotel room on South Beach.

Thursday December 18, 2008 6am: The beginning of the end. It appears mother nature has an ironic side, and Seattle has fallen victim to its first snowstorm of the season. This one is a big one, and could not have come at a more inopportune time. Businesses and roads are closed, and some parts of the area receive up to two feet of snow. Roads are not maintained and remain hazardous due to the lack of infrastructure to clear them. Flight are canceled. I become anxious.

Thursday December 18, 2008 9pm: It has just stopped snowing. 12-15 hours of straight snow have left the roads a ghost town, and conditions treacherous at best. A friend decides to brave the elements to drop his roommate off at the airport, and I promptly call him to inquire about the road conditions. He claims the roads “are fine but messy”.

Thursday December 18, 2008 10pm: I finish packing, and convince my girlfriend to use her all-wheel-drive car to bring me to the airport for my 6am flight the next morning. She reluctantly agrees, but the hesitation is setting off my spidy sense …

Friday December 19, 2008 3:30am: the alarm goes off. I check the flight delay report: SEA-TAC is not experiencing any major delays…yet

Friday December 19, 2008 3:50am: My girlfriend decides that the bed is either too warm, or she is too scared to drive to the airport. There is no room for argue, as the sidewalks and roads still look like a cocaine mirror from the 80’s. I must call a cab.

Friday December 19, 2008 3:55am: All cab phone lines are busy. I try three different cab companies. Can there really be this many travelers before 4am?

Friday December 19, 2008 3:56am: I finally get a hold of a dispatcher, and they reassuringly state, “well, I’ll put the call out but I can’t tell you if, or when, a cab will come.”

Friday December 19, 2008 4:00am: I wait by my front door for 40 minutes. I call my girlfriend and explain, “If you don’t drive me to the airport, we’re through.”

Friday December 19, 2008 4:40am: Empty threats appear to work, as a taxi and my girlfriend pull up outside my door at the exact same time. I reluctantly get in the cab knowing it will be a $40 fare.

Friday December 19, 2008 5:00am: I barley make it to the airport, as this was my cabbie’s first run of the day and he didn’t realize the conditions were this bad (he had no snow driving experience, no operational windshield wipers, and a heavy foot). I am happy to have made it in one piece. Apparently there is not natural snow in Ethiopia, but an abundance of zealous cab drivers.

Friday December 19, 2008 5:05am: I attempt to check in for my 6am flight at a kiosk. The kiosk is not rendering a ticket, so I pick up a courtesy phone. The agent, after 5 minutes of waiting, tells me I need to see a ticketing agent in line, as she cannot locate my reservation, nor can she print me a ticket. I look over my shoulder to find a line with 60+ people and a good hour wait time. Before hanging up, she bestows one last piece of information: “We don’t have a 6am flight to Denver… that flight was changed t0 5:40am.”

Friday December 19, 2008 5:06am: I sprint to the nearest agent, who directs me to a short line formed at the last agent kiosk. After a 10 minute wait, the servicing agent says, “so you’re going to Chicago.” I state, “no”, which is followed by “then you’re in the wrong line. Go to the back of that line.” “But my flight for Denver leaves in an hour!” “No, your flight to Denver leaves in 30 minutes, and you’ve already missed that one”. I lower my head and move over to “that line”. “That line” was approximately 20 people long, not nearly as long as the regular ticketing queue which was easily 60 people deep.

Friday December 19, 2008 6am: I have officially missed my flight. An hour of waiting puts me at the mercy of a ticketing agent, Alex Morales. Alex can locate my reservation, but not my eTicket number, which is required for issuing a ticket. “So you still need to pay for your flight?” he says. “No, I used a travel voucher I received last year to book this trip”, I replied. “Uh oh”. Alex picks up a phone and calls an internal ticketing agent. They state I need to surrender my paper voucher, in exchange for my free flight. I explain that I already mailed in my voucher, as instructed, a few months earlier when I booked the ticket. A 45 minute rescue mission is underway to located my voucher number so that they can issue an eTicket. I am freaking out. Finally, they find the ticket record from a flight in August 2007 where I gave up my seat in exchange for a free flight.

Friday December 19, 2008 6:50am: Alex states, “flights are not looking good for Tampa” (my final destination in Florida). “We’re booked for the next five days.” I am so fucked. Thoughts of my girlfriend stranded in Florida subjected to my parents, and lost hotel deposits are all flowing through my head. Alex informs me it may be better to fly to Washington Dulles airport, where there flights to Tampa (both sold out) in place of Denver, where there is only one sold-out flight. I concede. The flight to Dulles is also sold-out and standby only. I will take my chances. The flight to Dulles leave in 30 minutes.

Friday December 19, 2008 7am: I take my standby paper stubs and race to the longest security queue I’ve seen at an airport. I spend 15 minutes in line, and am actually relieved I get to the checkpoint so quickly. At the ID checkpoint, I am informed I have been “randomly” selected for enhanced screening. I ask the TSA screener, “Do I look like a terrorist to you?”. She simply shrugs her shoulders and guides me to the special line.

Friday December 19, 2008 7:15am: My standby flight leaves in 15 minutes. The Enhanced screening security line is actually much shorter than the normal lines. Perhaps Alex was trying to do me a favor. When I pass through the metal detectors, they make me step aside while they check every piece of carry-on luggage I have. My phone, wallet, shoes, briefcase, all pass the chemical sniff tests. The security officer opens my bag… I had forgot that my girlfriend (who is traveling to St. Louis after Florida to see her family) had asked me to carry some of her warm weather clothes in my suitcase. The security agent opens my bag, all you see are female dresses… brightly colored dresses. I get the eye from the guard. I swear it’s not mine, but I can see the skepticism.

Friday December 19, 2008 7:20am: I pass through the enhanced screening with only a shred of my dignity and race to the terminal for my standby flight. They are already on the third round of boarding.

Friday December 19, 2008 7:30am: I am able to get on this flight by chance and am off to Dulles, where I have to snag one of two sold out flights to Tampa.

Friday December 19, 2008 3:35pm: I arrive at Washington Dulles airport, the armpit of all airports (sans Atlanta). When I left Seattle, I was #1 on the Tampa flight waitlist. I arrive #24.

Friday December 19, 2008 4:00pm: After waiting by the gate for a few minutes, I ask the gate attendant what the chances of me are for getting on this flight, or the next one at 7:10pm. She frankly calls them “non-existent”, judging by the sold-out status and the number of people waiting on the standby list.

Friday December 19, 2008 5:00pm: the waiting area has emptied, and the plane should be full and ready to take off. I hear the gate agent mutter “Why am I missing 40 passengers?” My hope and anticipation of beautiful Florida weather skyrocket. A flight attendant sitting next to me (who is off duty and also waiting standby for my flight) mentioned the capacity is 155 for this plane, and barely 100 got on. Apparently, the line in customs is over 4 hours long, and they are missing almost 60 passengers from various Scandinavian and German flights.

Friday December 19, 2008 5:15pm: the gate agent holds the flight an additional 30 minutes to allow for the maximum of international travelers to get to the boarding gate.

Friday December 19, 2008 5:45pm: the flight has been delayed long enough. There are approximately 25 seats left scattered throughout the plane. The gate agent gets on the loud speaker and announces “all standby passengers for Tampa: we will be holding the doors for five more minutes. Pease board the aircraft and take any available seat. If someone boards the aircraft in the next 5 minutes and you are in their assigned seat, you must get off the aircraft.”

Friday December 19, 2008 5:46pm: time to play roulette with my plane ticket to Tampa. I run onto the aircraft and go to the very end of the plane. No one is going to oust me from a seat in the ass-end of this jet.

Friday December 19, 2008 5:50pm: The doors are shut. I am still in my seat, and no one is trying to take it from me. I am elated.

Friday December 19, 2008 8:30pm: I arrive in Tampa. I get a text notifying me that my girlfriend’s flight is delayed leaving Seattle. Here we go again…

Long story short, both my girlfriend and I get to Tampa in time, and make it to Miami and Key West without having to forego a deposit.
Moral of the story: always make photocopies of your travel vouchers, confirm your flight status and time before leaving home, and don’t travel United.

The End.